I’ve realized a few things over the past several months.

First, it is okay for me to go by my baby’s cues when it comes to sleeping. And nursing. Both separately and simultaneously. All the angst I caused myself over sleep training with Babycakes just isn’t going to be a thing with Sugarpie. She will eventually sleep all night. She will eventually learn to fall asleep on her own at bedtime. She will eventually wean (though I will have to do a lot more prodding than I did with Babycakes).

Second and related, I need to do better about my middle of the night reactions to her being unsettled for hours on end. Not necessarily awake. Just not settled.

Third, I need to take better care of my health. I am actually quite healthy, based on the results of my last physical. But I need to work on nutrition and staying in better shape. I promised myself that once Sugarpie was on a predictable schedule, I would weave in workouts and be more mindful of caloric intake. Then 2020 and the stress-eating and the Quarantine Fifteen hit. I recently started up with PiYo again, and am looking at ways to improve my diet throughout the week. Baby steps.

Fourth, I need to carve out time to write. My own stuff. Not other people’s stuff. Being able to freelance has been wonderful in many ways. But I realized in January that I hadn’t written a lick of fiction in over a year. But let’s be real. The past year has been hard in many ways, and I needed to focus more on my family, particularly my children, than anything else.

But it seems like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Babycakes has been fortunate to be back to school, face to face, since August. 100%, with no problems. Sugarpie takes a pretty solid nap and finally has a predictable bedtime, for all that she still wakes up once or twice a night. We are being cautious in our outings, but we are slowly seeing a return to a semblance of normalcy.

And I have so many ideas for stories.

I know that my family has been lucky. We’ve had our own little challenges, but the catalog of difficulties and hardships the past year has brought to our country would take ages to enumerate. We don’t know exactly what will come next and we certainly can’t control any of it, but we can choose how we comport ourselves. How we respond to others.

We can choose to listen. To be kind. To show compassion. To be tough if necessary, but to be so with love.

Maintain connections. Strive toward goals. Plant flowers.

Live as if you are always moving toward the light at the end of the tunnel, even on days when you seem stuck.